and very, very often, self care is not plants and ice rollers and fluffy blankets of peace.
it’s standing over your kitchen sink and crying while doing the dishes because you just want to go back to bed but the dishes need done. and you don’t know why you’re crying but you’re trusting you need it. and you aren’t listening to the music that pulls you into a spiral; you’re listening to some cheerful shit your friend sent you. it’s getting up and staring at your fridge and closing your eyes and then cooking yourself food even though you hate it and it’s miserable. because you know that you’d cook for your friend, and you are trying to befriend yourself. it’s dragging yourself into the shower because you know you’ll feel better afterwards. it’s doing mundane tasks with patience, cursing under your breath, trying desperately to give yourself grace. grace is the beginning of care. care is the beginning of love.
we think it’s supposed to be peace and yet the most powerful self care moments are when we hate everything but especially ourselves. and life does not feel worth the loving. to look into that pain and yet choose to care for yourself in however many pieces you are — that is care. love. grace. trust. belief. it hurts because it’s love where there was no love before. it heals because it believes there will be love, one day, soon.
I think we should have a turn of phrase for “I’m not in the right, but I AM annoyed with this situation, so I just need to go bitch to a friend about this before I suck it up and go do the right thing” because more and more I’m finding this is a critical element of functional adulthood.
this is advice I’ve given friends directly before and I’ve probably also posted it but I really like giving it so here it is potentially again: do not create something for an imaginary bad faith reader.
there will always be someone who finds fault in your work. there will be people who read the messages on it wrong. there will be people who will take every compelling aspect about your work off of it so they can put in their own.
you cannot make art for these people.
you will never write a story that is free from criticism. you will never draw a piece that everyone finds appealing. you will never compose a song that everyone enjoys hearing. you cannot, fundamentally, set out to create something and only think of how you can avoid someone not liking it.
because, and this is key, there will be someone who sees every angle of your story and feels its intent in their heart and gushes to their friends about it. you will draw someone’s favorite art and they will make it their phone wallpaper because they want to see it every day. someone will fall in love with your song and loop it on their way to work because it gets them through the day. and THOSE are the people your work is for. THOSE are the people you have to care about, because they love what you make for what it is - because it’s itself.
if you set out to create something and file off every sharp edge, prune every thorn, you will be left with something fragile and weak, and it will be fragile and weak for the sake of someone who does not exist but that you were scared of anyway.
sharing art is complex and tangled and powerful, and anything you care enough to create deserves to flourish as itself. get sillay.
‘Autistics always love talking to other autistics, it’s always effortless for autistics to communicate with eachother’ stop!
telling!
lies!
Autistics are, basically, min-maxed relative to allistics. That means we do often get along with eachother EXTREMELY well and quickly, like, to an extent that wouldn’t make sense to allistics- but it ALSO means that when we don’t get along, that’s fucking it. We’re magnets. We either attract or repel, and fucking Nothing will change how we react to eachother after that
Two incompatible autistics are like two male betta fish in a teacup. Peace Was Never An Option
Any autist saying ‘that’s not true’ 100% guarantee hasn’t spent enough time with a variety of other autistics lmao
why have us queer people as a community normalized terms like “boygirl” or “girlboy” or other things like that but not like. the actual experience of being multigender. i swear some people will be like “ahaha its so cool and swag to be a #girlboy #boygirl” then turn around and be like “MEN DNI THIS POST IS ABOUT WOMEN” “MEN CANT BE LESBIANS (because no man is ever a woman too)” etc etc like come on guys
I feel like anxiously attached crazy type people are like over represented like I want to hear from the emotionally repressed girlies and gays who like literally are like :| when they passionately want to jump someone’s bones. The true stoics who know it’s weird but literally cannot even force themselves to express their attraction to someone unless they 110% know it is reciprocated because they have repressed their emotions so much they no longer can authentically generate ways to convey their feelings
